“Lots of Men Love An Ample Bum”

Kim Kardashian, who has displaced J. Lo as queen of bootyliciousness

I was at Cafe Luxembourg (200 W 70th Street) having a mellow dinner with friends the other night. If you’ve never been there, there is a photograph hanging in the bathrooms (same photo in the men’s and women’s) that seems to provoke a lot of discussion whenever I’m there.

The photo is of three nude women standing at the Cafe Luxembourg bar with their backs–and bare bottoms–to the camera. The picture is finished in sepia and  is supposed to look like a vintage snap. I’m pretty sure it’s not, but perhaps I’m wrong.

The nudity is not the issue here. The issue is the size of the women’s asses. The last time I was there, one of the guys I was with went on about the picture of “fat women in the bathroom.” I took immediate issue with him, because THEY ARE NOT FAT. He and others at the table argued that, indeed, their butts were big. Perhaps. It hit a little close to home, since I have a rather curvaceous posterior, too. I’m athletic and fit, but my ass won’t budge. It does its own thing. So is a rounder, curvier butt attractive or a liability?

The topic came up again during my most recent visit there. This time I was in the bathroom waiting my turn and studying the picture. One rather chatty Englishwoman was looking at it,too, and struck up a conversation with her companion. “Wow, they look great. Things must have been so much easier back then. No models and Victoria Beckhams to muck it up for those of us who look like real ladies.” Already I liked this woman. Then she said: “Well, lots of men love an ample bum. My Irish boyfriend certainly does.”  At this point the conversation became a bit raunchy and deteriorated to the point that they were discussing the butt preferences of various ethnic groups. I was trying not to stare at their bums.

Crystal Renn (from Fashionista.com)

As a voracious follower of all things fashion, this issue haunts me constantly. Models are skinny. I’m not. Therefore, am I not attractive? Crystal Renn, a very gorgeous and famous plus-sized model, recently caused a ruckus when editorial pictures of her were released showing her looking downright gaunt. I should also mention that Crystal is a size 10. This is considered “plus.”

You can’t win. If you gain weight (Hi, Jessica Simpson!) or lose weight (poor little frail  Tory Spelling) they cream you in the media.

So, dear readers, what say you? Are these girls fabulous or should we be calling in the liposuction team?

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9 comments

  1. Dave · July 13, 2010

    We’ve spoken on this subject a few times before, Cheryl, but I shall record my preference for posterity: the ladies in the photograph are beautiful, certainly not ‘fat’, however that’s defined today.
    Chalk one vote to ‘Fabulous’!

    😉

  2. Caveat Calcei · July 13, 2010

    That is a very sexy picture Cheryl. Each of the women is curvy in a different way. My bum is probably most like the girl on the far right. I am little and I have tried to work my bum off in yoga classes, running up hills/sand dunes and on the Pilates reformer machines. So now I have muscles & curves. But the bum is still there – it’s genetic. Thank goodness my husband, like Dave, is a bum man.

  3. Mamma Taz · July 14, 2010

    Oh, yes. Fabulous looking women. And the bums don’t even achieve the proportions of Reubens’ nudes, which are also gorgeous.

  4. archigram · July 14, 2010

    never been one to miss out on a challenge although bums male or female have not played a dominant feature in my life. at the moment I am listening to the egmont overture (goethe) by beethoven which is rather more jolly than bums especially the quite interesting story behind the music but, that is effectively sidelining a response to the bum challenge although it may well feature again sometime in the future in some other challenge. however, is it more interesting than the said posterior appendage? that could be a question for the politicians. I see that barry whatsisname does not like the new lady premier of Oz does that make him a bum? or, indeed her?who knows anyway, to the subject. I have tried to envisage anyone without this anatomical feature and cannot conceive of such a thing. tried drawing it but to no avail. so, we must presume that it is indeed a well thought out bit of constructional technology with specific purposes to fulfil. however, after some serious and deep cogitation I cannot think what these purposes might be. if we were to juxtapose thomas crapper with the creator we could make the presumption that the bum was made to fit his new fangled contraption the W.C. if we consider the alternative then we are back at square one. if the bu… lets use the word bottom instead, has no known function e.g. give us a sense of balance to stop us falling over, human proportions, something in the middle of the body just because we need something in the middle, etc., etc. then we must reach the aesthetic frontier. despite the flawed logic above the conclusion is inevitable, the bottom is either a thing of beauty or not. if you accidentally find yourself walking behind an extremely large bottom, you know the type, flesh trying to escape in all directions simultaneously, then the sight is entirely unwholesome. if, on the other hand, you are walking behind someone with a zero sized bottom then the visual quality is at the polar opposite of the large wobbly one and no less unattractive. the bit in the middle is therefore best seen as something between (middle) the two.
    if it is an aesthetic matter and here, I intend to leave all that boring sex stuff out, then the ultimate judgement is personal to the viewer. in short what is one person’s meat is another’s poison. I like the colour green and the music of dallapiccola well, not really, but you get my drift.
    I think the real question to be asked especially relative to the three bumkateers is are they all attractive and the answer is yes. the second question is why are they displayed in the toilets. bit risky and best not to go there. my real concern, however, would these gals look better with their heinies covered, say in close fitting jeans or excellent delicate underwear. almost certainly. this is the allure of the unknown, the unseen and the guessed anticipation. so, in my judgement, splendid girls with splendid bottoms but !
    the picture smacks of victorian prudery which is so demode. it reminds me of the sea side booths where you put in your sixpence and pulled on a lever. the stronger you were you could see the gal in the unfolding undressing drama tkae off garment after garment until there she was standing as nature intended. young chaps even when two or three were pulling with all their
    might never got to the level shown in the picture of the three ladies. hence my thesis that the whole story is away too much information, the denouement should never be so complete.

  5. John Carney · July 14, 2010

    Definitely fabulous

  6. Kristen · July 15, 2010

    I’m an Aussie size 6 and yet my bum is shaped like the woman on the right… She is most definitely not fat!
    Instead of saying the uncouth descriptive sentence I’d use in real life… I’ll just suggest that the lady on the left would benefit from frilly knickers… It would make her more attractive IMO…
    Nice article! 🙂
    PS @archigram You might like to read a book called “The Bugalugs Bum Thief” to your grandchildren… It addresses the “what would we do without bums” question.

  7. Jack Robbins · December 18, 2011

    I have this photo on my refrigerator and I love it. The girls are beautiful.

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