It’s Important To Protect Your Jewels At The Beach {Montauk Edition}

OK, so Montauk is very, very close to the wealthy playground that is the Hamptons. As such, I get easy access to all the various Hamptons-specific publications that are lying around outside every boutique and coffee shop.

I always pick up Dan’s Papers, a free Hamptons weekly chock full of horrible writing and hilarious pictures of socialites gathered at various events, where everyone is crisply outfitted in prisitine summer white or flirty dresses.

I came across this ad for the “GemSafe.” Immediately I had several reactions.

Do people bring a lot of jewels to their beach homes? I brought my beloved pink ToyWatch Jelly. It’s rubber. I also brought a pair of Alice + Olivia pants that require dry cleaning. When I asked my friend Kindra (a former NYC’er who decamped to Montauk to unplug for a year) where I could get dry-cleaning done in Montauk, I could almost hear the sneer in her text response: “Why do you need a dry-cleaner? You’re on vacation!” Exactly.

My second question: What the hell is up with that swimsuit bottom and hair? She looks straight out of an 80s Robert Palmer video. Cut high-on-the-hip bikini? *shudder*  And as far as I know, there are no topless beaches in the Hamptons.

I wonder if GemSafe makes a special champagne fridge. Or small closet for one’s ascots. Or a polisher for your riding boots.

Sheesh.

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